Being nice and polite is boring and exhausting. Therein lies my major issue here in France; there are too few people with whom I can share what I really think. Don Julio’s friends and family are pleasant, but most of them aren’t my type of people and I’m often at a loss as to what to say. He has two female friends who are pretty cool, but I spent the first part of the year feeling uncomfortable around them because I was irrationally jealous of their seperate, but equally awesome combinations of intellegence, humour, and prettiness. They also knew him better, and noticed things like his hair, so I felt a little out of my depth. (He has short hair...it always looks the same to me). I always try to combat it by being really nice, but it makes me reticent to share things.
Then there is that whole thing with jealousy, which I’m not really used to. I don’t think I’m someone particularly jealous, but then I’m biased. I remember Lili told me about a woman who would hardcore hit on Don Julio (she gave him her number and email address the first time she met him) everytime she came to do her sessions at the school. ‘Aren’t you jealous?’ Lili demanded, when I started laughing during her floozy alert. ‘Um, no,’ I replied, ‘I trust him, and anyway, she’s weird.’ This might just be Lili, though. I started to say I was jealous of Julien’s wealthy, well dressed 19-year-old assistant and Lili interupted me with a quick ‘Why? Because she’s with Don Julio all day?’ I stared at her a second before responding ‘No...I’m jealous of her situation. Her parents just gave her this nice car, she can buy whatever she wants, and she doesn’t have to pay for school. I’d like to have more money right now.’ Dude, she’s a giggly nineteen-year-old. If he was remotely into that, I’d run.
There is one girl who’s less close with him, but every time we’re invited to the same dinner party, she spends half her time looking at him, trying to engage him with jokes, or touching him unneccesarily. Don Julio doesn’t seem to extend anything but his usual kindness, so when I’m not in the process of being irritated by her behavior, I tend to feel for her a little. (Sometimes I wonder whether the hosts wouldn’t prefer that he date her, but that’s the only time I get uncomfortable about it) The last time we were there, she was sitting next to him during the apero and dropped something between them, probably by accident. When she leaned over to pick it up, however, she decided it would be a good idea to steady herself by putting her hand on Don Julio's thigh. I’m never sure what I should be offended by regarding my boyfriend, but I’m pretty sure that one’s on the list.
I generally try to be nice about things like that, though. As for people I’m uncomfortable around, I don’t do the crazy girl thing and tell him not to see them, I don’t lie and say I don’t like them so as to avoid seeing them, and at times I even tell him to invite them to do things, because hey, they’re cool, and maybe I ought to try and get to know them better. Sometimes I wonder if this is the right way to go, though. Do you say you’re jealous to someone, or do you just pretend it’s not there? I’m mean, you’ve got to show someone you trust them, too, but not be so lax that you make them think you don’t care...not sure what the line is on that one. Help me walk the line, people! I got nothing here!
If I get to come back next year, I’m going to make a huge effort to make friends with those female friends of his, but I’m also going to seek out things like art classes (if they’re not too expensive) and try and meet more of my own people in town. I could have done a better job of that this year, but it’s tough when Don Julio lives in the city over to just pop by and hang out with him an hour or two before waltzing off to class. He’s been willing to drop me off home at three in the morning on a Sunday so that I can get up and go to crew at nine, but this exhausted us both, and I’m not willing to stay in and do nothing Saturday just so that I can do a couple of hours in a boat with some old farts the next morning. I do see Lili at least once a week, but her life is completely oriented around handball, a sport I still don’t completely understand, and am not sure I even like.
In any case, Don Julio is looking for places in the town where he works for next year, and that’ll afford a lot more freedom activity-wise – at least for me. Then maybe I can stop being so polite.
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If the encounters like his friends and his assistant TRULY don't bother you, then I think you have the right idea about simply going with the flow. Like you said, you want to show that you trust him, and bringing up that you're suspicious of his friends will very likely just cause awkwardness all around.
ReplyDeleteThe girl that felt up his thigh, however, was out of line. It might be best to subtly combat her by being more forward in your body language with him when she's around - put your hand on his knee, or take his hand, kiss his cheek, use little terms of endearment, etc. Nothing big, but enough to let her know that you're claiming your territory. That way it's more of a message to HER and you won't have to tell Don Julio anything at all. If she persists, then bringing it up with him might not be a bad idea. Like, "Wow, did you notice how much she was flirting with you?" to start out more casually, then take it from there.
More drastic options: Cut a bitch. :)